Elle is Leaving for Awhile

posted in: Uncategorized | 0

By Ema ~ Today is the day for Elle to return north to our Mothers with a stop through to see her Dad. She had hoped to see him before now and be able to speak more with him and share her thoughts, as well present questions she had for him, but it turned out to be the only time he has had to see her. We were late getting north, as Elle was taking her time to pack and be ready. I told her to just take the essentials, as she can come back soon and gather more. There is much that is best to leave here as well, as it is for our many projects, so it was tough making decisions of what to take and keep here. We still have to reschedule our photo-shoot at the studio also now that we are getting well. We are still planning to speak with our Mom about Elle’s wishes to return and continue our home-school projects and for her to travel with me for my next care taking position and to see our mermaid contacts in Florida soon. She really wants to be here with me, but also free to spend time with her Dad, which is complicated as her parents are separated. Right now Mom just wants her home and not to share, so it will be a miracle it feels to get her to listen to us and how Elle feels. We have been trying so much for a couple weeks to have her see where our hearts are, but she is going through much it seems since the passing of our brother Dorian back in October, and just needs her home. Elle was planning to continue to travel with me and we even have plans for fundraisers to make it possible, but it sounds like for some reason our Mom will not even let her continue to travel at times. We are not sure why she is going to such extremes about us being together right now, and hope if we can sit with her and speak face to face she will see our souls, passion, and hearts desire. We want her to know we understand how she feels, and Elle wants to visit her more often, but Elle is also feeling so desperate to be heard and not have to give up all she is building for the last half year, plus. We have built so much beauty in our lives and so much more is blossoming, it is sad to just set it all aside not knowing when we will be together again to continue our projects and create our dreams into reality. We really only want the best for all our family, and up until recently my Mom felt Elle and I together was also good, as it gave her time to focus on the other children in the home, and Elle to have this experience to grow, see the world, design her education, and heal from several past traumas over the years. She has gained many new skills in our time together like how to find her center and not react in a moment, but take the time to breathe, observe, and find her best option. When she joined me many months ago, she was not in the best place, feeling lost and having crying and anger fits, but in our time together she found that she has a passion for life again that she felt she has lost, she loves to travel, to explore, to learn, experience, and has come to realize that she does not need to dwell in the past, but can create her future. She can achieve anything she believes if she puts her heart and hands towards such. She has grown so confident and I am so proud of her for believing in herself. She really does know what she wants in life and I hope to be a support to her to achieve all she dreams. She has become a cowgirl, an artist, a gardener, a Buddhist, a photographer, and one who takes time to reflect and creatively express their authentic unique self…. and so much more in our time together. It has been an honor to watch her heal and strengthen herself and now so difficult to watch her stress these last couple weeks about leaving one another. It does feel too soon, like we are just getting going. In the last week it is the first time I have seen her cry in all our time together. Each time she gets off the phone with our Mom lately she is very upset. I wish I could somehow get our mother to see that this has been so good for Elle, for me, and not too long ago she saw how it was good for her also. I know she misses Elle and we can find a balance with that. I just hope she can honor how Elle feels and let us continue on this beautiful path of self discovery, healing, and our sojourn around the world. She is of course welcome to join! We just pray with all our beings that we too can continue on this enlivening path of the traveling mermaid sisters on a mission to give our passion purpose for the love of water and for the sake of our souls! Alas, we had to get north as it was already after dark. The plan was to stop through for a quick visit to see her Dad and grab dinner before dropping her off at Moms. Since we were running so late he invited us to his new house and toured us around when we arrived. Elle got to meet her baby sister and hold her for the first time. Even through this divorce and the circumstance of how Elle became a big sister has been hard, she is so excited to someday be an inspiration for her and get to watch over her as she grows. I know it is the greatest honor to be a big sister and I am excited she too can now hold this role in life.

We had hoped to meet the baby and were grateful even through it was late Dad had invited us to the house rather than meeting us for dinner so we had a chance. The baby luckily woke just in time for our arrival. Elle was so proud sitting there holding her own baby sister! Meet Gracelynn!

It was late by the time we left and as far as food went the option was pizza. We stopped at the local shop for a pretzel for Elle and got Mom a juice. Then it was time to part ways. We tried to talk with Mom some more, but she was not open tonight, so I guess now Elle and her Dad will try without me. I suppose it is ultimately between her Mom and Dad, and although Dad agrees she should stay where she is with me. I cannot do more now sadly, but pray that Mom will open her heart to how Elle feels. My Mom had told us we were not allowed to cry parting and I held it together until I was in the van and on the road, but poor Elle was sobbing. It was one of the most difficult moments on my heart to have to walk away and not be able to comfort her and help her find her peace. Now I wait and pray and hope to hear more soon. It was so strange driving away without Elle. I kept checking in the back for her on the drive home by habit. My heart is breaking. I miss her deeply already and feel so helpless right now awaiting to hear how things go with our mom, her dad, and her. I really wanted to be there, but was told by our dad and his partner it was better to just let them try. Putting it in the hands of God, yet my soul still feels so sad. Elle keeps texting me to come back for her. I wish I could. I wish I could somehow make everything okay for her, after all she is my baby sister and I do love her with all my being!

Leave a Reply